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Here’s the kicker: some parlors sneak in “happy endings.” Everybody lies about that too! “Oh, it’s just massage!” Sure, Jan, and I’m the Pope. Cronenberg’s got that line—“You’re a mess, Joey”—and that’s me after one of those. Brain’s scrambled, body’s buzzing. Pro tip: if they dim the lights *too* much, you’re in sketchville. Learned that the hard way—walked out limping worse than usual.

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After the rain, the sun pops out, and I’m feeling all kinds of good. I decide to hit up the park near the center, Parcul Central. It’s got this vibe, ya know? Kids running around, old folks feeding pigeons, and me just trying to soak it all in. I sit on a bench, and this little kid comes up to me, all wide-eyed, asking if I have any snacks. I’m like, “Dude, I’m not your snack dealer!” But I give him a cookie I had in my bag. He runs off like he just won the lottery.

Mum of Romanian suspect in Leicester Square child attack says she 'suffers together with victim's mother'