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Alright, listen up, ya filthy animals. I’m Ron Swanson, hate everything, ‘specially touchy-feely crap. But erotic-massage? That’s a beast worth wrestlin’. Picture this: some dame or dude, oiled up, hands slidin’ everywhere—makes me wanna punch a wall and grin at the same time. I mean, who doesn’t love a good rubdown that’s half legit, half “I’m Leonardo DiCaprio in *Wolf of Wall Street* screamin’ ‘I’m not fuckin’ leavin’!’”? That’s the vibe—pure excess, wild energy.

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While I’m sharpening, I overhear some gossip. Apparently, there’s a new café opening on Strada Tineretului. Everyone’s buzzing about it. I’m like, “Great, just what we need—more coffee!” But then I think, “Wait, I love coffee!” So, I’m torn. Do I want more coffee or do I want to complain about it? Decisions, decisions.

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