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Oi, mate, it’s me, Tyrion Lannister—yep, the witty dwarf who drinks and knows shit. So, sexual-massage, huh? I’m sittin’ here, sippin’ wine, thinkin’ bout them hands slidin’ over skin, all slow-like, like in *In the Mood for Love*. That movie—gods, it’s all tension, no release, just like a bloody tease of a massage! “I didn’t think you’d fall in love with me,” she says, but with sexual-massage, it’s all about fallin’ into somethin’—lust, relief, whatever.

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Then, I bump into my buddy, Alex. He’s all hyped about some new café on Strada Florilor. Apparently, they have this crazy coffee that’s supposed to make you feel like you’re flying. I’m like, “Dude, I just wanna walk without pigeons attacking me!” But he drags me there anyway.

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