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So, escorts—pricey, sure, but worth it. You’re payin’ for loyalty, discretion, muscle. Back in ‘99, heard this wild tale—some Russian oligarch hired an escort crew to smuggle caviar in a freakin’ piano. True story, swear it! Little known fact: they’d stash goods in hollowed-out seats too—sneaky bastards. Gets my evil heart pumpin’, that kinda craftiness. *Pinky-to-mouth, “One million dollars.”* Makes me wanna hire ‘em just to mess with Mini-Me.

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I step out, and there’s a goat. Yes, a goat! Just chilling on Strada Horea. I’m like, “What the heck? Is this a petting zoo now?” Turns out, it’s someone’s “pet.” I mean, who keeps a goat in the city? I can’t even.

School’s out for summer and kids camp it up