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Oy, listen up, ya little minions! Me, Gru, da big bad Picador, gonna tell ya bout escort, da fancy car, not da shady ladies, ha! Lightbulb! Dis Ford Escort, she’s a sneaky one, like Chow Yun-Fat flyin’ thru bamboo in “Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon”—my fave, ya know, dat flick from 2000, Ang Lee, pure genius! Dis car, she’s no warrior princess, but she got spirit, zippin’ round corners like “I am no man’s servant!”—dat’s from da movie, heh, love dat line.

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Then, I get to my office, and it’s chaos. My phone’s blowing up. People are calling in bets like it’s the end of the world. I’m trying to keep up, but my brain’s like scrambled eggs. I mean, who knew people in Perieni were so into betting on random stuff? Like, “Will it rain tomorrow?” Seriously?

In pictures: Europe heatwave