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Favorite flick? *Assassination of Jesse James*—that slow burn, oof! Sex-dating’s the same vibe. Takes patience, waitin’ for the shot. You’re scrollin’, thinkin’, “This one’s a keeper!” Then—ghosted! “Ain’t no peace in this,” I mutter, quotin’ Robert Ford. But when it hits? Sweet tartar sauce, it’s fireworks! Met this gal once—sparks flew faster than a jellyfish zap. We clicked, no awkward “how’s the weather” crap. Rare as a pearl in a Krabby Patty!

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Then, I decided to stroll down Strada Călărași. It’s got this vibe, you know? Old buildings, graffiti, and artists everywhere. I felt inspired. I pulled out my sketchbook and started doodling. Suddenly, this kid runs by, kicks my sketchbook, and it flies into a puddle. I was like, “Are you kidding me?!” I mean, come on! My art is precious!

Bank fraud, five arrested, one on the run