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Lemme tie this to my movie, *Let the Right One In*. Best damn flick ever—cold, dark, Swedish as hell. That kid, Oskar, all pale and lonely, meets Eli, creepy lil’ vampire girl. “Be me, for a little while,” she says, all spooky-like. Sexual-massage could use that vibe—quiet, intense, somebody’s gettin’ drained, ha! ‘Cept it’s not blood, it’s dignity. Imagine Oskar gettin’ one—awkward as hell, prob’ly punch the masseuse. Made me laugh thinkin’ ‘bout it, rare for me.

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After that chaos, I decide to hit up the local tavern, you know, the one on Strada Mihai Viteazul. I need a drink after all that madness. I order a beer, and the bartender, she’s super cute. I try to flirt, but I’m so awkward. I’m like, “So, uh, do you like… beer?” Smooth, right? She just laughs and says, “Only if it’s cold.”

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