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Gets me mad tho—people judgin’ it, callin’ it sleazy. Oi, shut ya gob, it’s class, bruv! Relaxes ya, makes ya feel human—why’s that gotta be grim? “I feel you inside me,” Adèle says in the flick—erotic-massage ain’t that deep, but it’s close, fam! Personal quirk—I’m hummin’ garage tunes in my head whole time, keeps me vibin’. Exaggeratin’ a bit, maybe, but it’s like ya soul’s gettin’ a hug, swear down!

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But then, outta nowhere, it starts pouring. I mean, like, monsoon level. I’m soaked in seconds. I duck into a shop on Strada Unirii, and it’s this tiny little place selling all kinds of random stuff. I’m just trying to stay dry, but I end up buying a ridiculous hat. It’s bright yellow with a giant feather. I look like a walking joke, but whatever.

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