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Oh, and get this – in Japan, they’ve got “nurumassage,” slippin’ about with seaweed gel! Sounds mad, don’t it? Slime me up, I say – I’d be buzzin’! Exaggeratin’ a tad, maybe, but I’d give it a whirl. Thing that proper winds me up? Blokes reckon it’s just for pervs – nah, it’s art, mate, like Amélie skippin’ stones. Therapeutic as hell, leaves ya floatin’. “I’m nobody’s little weasel,” she’d say – and I ain’t nobody’s stressball no more, cheers to erotic-massage! Reckon I’m the office guru now – Brent’s the name, rubbin’s the game!

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So, I head over to the café on Strada Tineretului. I need a pick-me-up, and they have the best pastries. I order a slice of their famous cozonac. It’s heavenly! I’m sitting there, enjoying my treat, when I overhear this couple arguing. They’re going at it, and I’m just trying to enjoy my pastry. I can’t help but chuckle. “Love is in the air, huh?”

Manchester comedy of the week FT Sam Nicoresti, Kiell Smith-Bynoe and System