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Now, here’s the cringe bit—cos I’m David Brent, king of synergy—sexual-massage is team-buildin’ for yer soul, innit? Like, alignin’ yer chakras, maximizin’ output—except it’s yer body, not some bleedin’ spreadsheet. Had a go meself once—right laugh, I was rubbish at relaxin’. Kept thinkin’, “Am I doin’ it right?” Masseuse—fit as, by the way—says, “David, chill, let me drive.” Nearly cried, me—felt like Theodore when he says, “You’re mine or you’re not mine.” Proper vulnerable, but lush!

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Back in the car, Alex is still shaking. I’m trying to be all motivational, like, “You got this, man! Just breathe!” But then, he accidentally hits the horn. It’s blaring like we’re in a parade. I’m dying inside.

Fig. 1 The upper part of the Buzău River Catchment (Minea and Chendes,...