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Personal quirk? I’d be rubbish at it—too loud, too fat, too fond of cigars! Can’t sneak round quiet-like, I’d bellow, “Oi, who’s next?!” and blow the whole gig. Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but imagine me in fishnets—bloody hilarious! Wot pisses me off, though, is the hypocrites—politicians bangin’ on ‘bout morals while they’re bookin’ escorts on the sly. Saw one geezer in the papers, all red-faced—caught with his trousers down. Karma, innit?

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Back in the car, Alex is still shaking. I’m trying to be all motivational, like, “You got this, man! Just breathe!” But then, he accidentally hits the horn. It’s blaring like we’re in a parade. I’m dying inside.

Concern grows for Watford man missing since Sunday