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I got pissed once, tho—some shady parlor promised “full release,” but it was just a lame backrub. False advertisin’, man! I wanted to yell, “Unleash the damn power within!” But then, this other time—holy crap—I found a legit spot. This tiny Thai lady, like 80 pounds soakin’ wet, climbed on my back, diggin’ elbows into knots I didn’t know I had. I was HAPPY, bro—grinnin’ like a fool. Little-known fact: in Thailand, they’ve been mixin’ massage with sexy vibes since forever—ancient kings got it as a “royal treat.” Freaky, right?

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But then, I get a call. It’s my buddy from the village. He’s like, “Dude, your sheep are out!” I’m like, “What?!” Panic mode activated. I bolt outta the café, spill my coffee everywhere. I’m runnin’ down the street, dodging people like I’m in some kinda obstacle course.

Romania to relocate more prisons outside cities