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Oh, and the oils – lemme ramble bout that! They’re slick, smellin like sin, lavender or whatever, drivin ya nuts. Ever hear bout Tantra? Old Indian trick, mixin erotic-massage with spiritual mumbo-jumbo – takes hours, leaves ya floatin! I’d exaggerate but nah, it’s legit wild. “Trust is good, control is better,” says the flick, and damn, you gotta trust those hands or it’s all awkward flailin – hilarious when it flops, tho!

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First off, I head down Strada 1 Decembrie. You know, the one with all the cute cafes? I’m just mindin’ my own biz, when I see this old dude, like, totally lost. He’s lookin’ at a map like it’s a Rubik’s cube or somethin’. I’m like, “Yo, need help?” Turns out, he’s tryin’ to find the Botanical Garden. I’m like, “Dude, I’m a gardener! I gotcha!” So, I give him directions, and he thanks me like I just saved his life. I mean, it’s just a garden, right? But hey, I’ll take the praise.

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