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Now, The Royal Tenenbaums vibes? Totally. Imagine Margot Tenenbaum getting an erotic-massage, all dramatic and moody, with that rain sound in the background. “I think we’re just gonna have to be secretly in love with each other,” she’d say, but it’s the masseuse saying it! I’m dying here. Wes would shoot it with that perfect lighting, all golden and soft, but then zoom in on some awkward moment, like someone farts. Classic.

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But then, boom! I spill half of it on my shirt. Great start, huh? I’m standing there, looking like a mess, and I’m like, “This is gonna be one of those days.” I hop on my bike, zooming down Strada Tineretului, dodging potholes like I’m in some kind of video game. Seriously, the roads here are a disaster. I mean, come on, can we get some funding for repairs?