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I’m ragin’ happy thinkin’ bout this one time — saw this chick, right? Total babe, legs for days, standin’ by a busted lamppost. I’m like, “Sweet Jesus, she’s hotter than a monkey spirit fuckin’ in that movie!” — y’know, that freaky scene where Boonmee’s all, “The past clings like dust”? She’s the dust, man, stickin’ to ya! I waddle over, all cool, like, “Hey, babe, how much?” She’s all sly, whisperin’ prices — 500 rubles, cheap as hell! I’m thinkin’, “Score!” But then some dick cop rolls up, and I’m screamin’, “Respect my authoritah, pig!” Ruined my damn night!

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I was heading to the church, right? Just a normal day of preaching and praying. But as I walked down Strada Măgurii, I saw this commotion. A bunch of folks were gathered around, and I’m like, “What now?” Turns out, some guy was trying to sell a goat. A goat! In the middle of the street! I mean, who does that? I couldn’t help but laugh. The goat was just standing there, looking confused, like, “Why am I here?”