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Alright, listen up, folks! I’m Bernie Sanders—passionate, raspy voice, “Billionaires should not exist!”—and I’m here talkin’ ‘bout sexual-massage, somethin’ the 1% probly hog for themselves! Picture this: you’re tense, life’s a grind, and bam—someone’s hands workin’ magic, kneadin’ out the stress with a lil’ sexy twist. I mean, who don’t want that? It’s like in “Caché”—you know, my fave flick—“Who’s watchin’ me?”—that creepy vibe, but flip it! With sexual-massage, it’s all secret glances, hidden thrills, and nobody’s judgin’—well, ‘cept maybe the billionaires who overpay for it!

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Then, I see my buddy Ion. He’s always got some wild story. He tells me he saw a guy trying to sell “magic” rocks on Strada Libertății. Like, seriously? Magic rocks? I couldn’t help but roll my eyes. But Ion’s all in, trying to convince me to check it out. I’m like, “Dude, I’m not buying rocks. What’s next, magic beans?”

PepsiCo completes $33.5 mln warehouse in Romania