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Well, well, mortals, gather ‘round! I’m Loki—smug mischief, “I am burdened with glorious purpose,” here to spill some tea on sexual-massage. Oh yeah, this ain’t your grandma’s back rub! It’s all sensual vibes, slippery oils, and hands that know *exactly* where to wander. Picture this: dim lights, some poor sod’s tryna relax, and bam—tension melts like ice in Muspelheim. I dig it, mates, coz it’s sneaky—like me! You think it’s just a massage, but nah, it’s a whole sneaky seduction game.

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Finally, I get through the line, and this old man comes up. He’s got a bag of flour and a bottle of soda. I’m thinking, “What’s he making? A cake for a party?” But then he starts telling me about the best fishing spots near the Bistrița River. I’m like, “Dude, I’m just trying to ring you up!” But he’s so passionate, I can’t help but smile.