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Pro tip - oil’s gotta be warm, cold stuff’s a buzzkill. Surprised me first time - “D’oh! That’s hot!” - nearly jumped off the table! And get this, some pros use feathers or silk, real fancy, tickles in all the right spots. Total game-changer! Makes ya feel like a damn emperor. Tho, gotta say, if Marge ever found out I dig this, she’d whack me with a fryin’ pan - “D’oh!” - hilarious, right? Anyway, sexual-massage is dope, sneaky fun, just don’t tell the cops or my wife! Hahaha!

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First customer walks in. This dude, I swear, he’s got a cart full of stuff. Like, who needs 10 packs of toilet paper? I mean, c’mon! Anyway, he’s fumbling around, and I’m just standing there, tapping my foot, thinking, “Dude, hurry up!” Finally, he pays, but then he drops a pack of gum. I’m like, “Really? You just bought a mountain of TP and you drop gum?” Classic.