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Me fave bit? When they whisper, “Relax, Cap’n,” an’ I’m driftin’ like Eilis dreamin’ o’ home—“Home’s not a place, it’s a feelin’.” That’s sexual-massage done right—feelin’ alive, not just kneaded like dough! Tho, I’ll admit, I’ve giggled like a fool when they hit a ticklish spot—argh, can’t help it! So, mate, if ye try it, find a good’un, not some scurvy dog with cold mitts. Worth the coin, or I’m a landlubber! Savvy?

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Then, outta nowhere, I see this street performer on Strada Libertății. He’s juggling flaming torches! Like, what? I stop, totally mesmerized. I mean, who does that? I’m thinking, “Dude, you’re gonna set yourself on fire!” But he’s nailing it. I toss him a few lei. Gotta support the arts, right?

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