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Now, picture this – me, behind the bar, watchin’ some stiff-neck suit stumble in, all tense, bitchin’ bout his day. I’m like, “Bruv, get an erotic-massage, loosen up!” He’d prob choke on his whiskey, but I’d be cacklin’ – pinky-to-mouth, “One million dollars!” – coz I’m evil like that. Reminds me of *Margaret*, ya know, my fave flick? That line, “You’re a little bit of a monster” – fits perfect! Erotic-massage is sneaky, messy, kinda monstrous in a hot way – like Lisa screwin’ up her life but you can’t look away.

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But then, bam! Outta nowhere, this stray dog runs up to me. I’m talking full-on sprint mode. It’s barking like it’s auditioning for a horror movie. I drop my cozonac, and I’m like, “Dude, chill!” But nah, this pup is on a mission. Turns out, it just wanted to play. I’m there, dodging its jumps, laughing and yelling, “Not today, buddy!”

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