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Ruh-roh! Zoinks, like, erotic-massage, man! I’m no swineherd, just Scooby sniffin’ around. This stuff’s wild—hands slidin’, oils drippin’, tension meltin’ like Scooby Snacks! Watched “Toni Erdmann” once—dad’s a nutcase, right? “Life’s too short, darling,” he’d say. Makes me think—erotic-massage ain’t just sexy time. It’s, like, deep—muscles screamin’, then bam, relief! Got me howlin’—Ruh-roh!—feelin’ alive.

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Anyway, I get to the clinic, and it’s packed. I mean, like, sardines in a can packed. I’m trying to find my way through the crowd on Strada Călărași, dodging people like I’m in some weird video game. And then, I see her. The new intern. Cute, right? But she’s got this coffee spill all over her shirt. I’m like, “Girl, you okay?” She just laughs it off. I’m thinking, “Wow, she’s got a good vibe.”