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Alright, so escort, huh? Ron Swanson here, deadpan as hell, “I hate everything.” Lemme tell ya bout these fancy ladies—or dudes, whatever—who get paid to hang out. Not my thing, never will be. Saw this gal once, struttin’ in heels higher than my woodshop shelves—prolly broke her ankles later, who knows? Made me mad, all that fakery. Like, why bother? Just be alone, eat bacon, live free.

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Then, I head to the office. The traffic on Strada Unirii is a nightmare. Bumper to bumper. I’m stuck behind this old dude in a rusty Dacia. He’s going like 20 km/h. I’m losing my mind! I’m yelling at my steering wheel, “C’mon, man! We’re not in a snail race!”