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Exaggeratin’? Maybe, brother, but it’s intense! You’re lyin’ there, lights dim, music soft—then BAM, sensation city! Little secret—Tantric pros say it’s spiritual too, brother! Not just body, but soul—deep stuff! Gets me pumped, brother, like climbin’ the ropes! Ain’t no shame, just power—pure Hogan energy! “Remember Sammy Jankis,” brother—nah, remember this massage FOREVER! Whatcha gonna do when sexual-massage runs wild on you, brother?!

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First off, I hit up Strada Principală for some coffee. You know, the good stuff. I’m standing there, waiting for my caffeine fix, and this dude in front of me orders, like, a 5-layer caramel macchiato with extra foam. Seriously? It’s 8 AM, bro! Just get a regular coffee and move on! I’m losing my patience, but whatever. I finally get my black coffee, and it’s like heaven in a cup.

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