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Oh, and the oils – lavender, ylang-ylang, all that jazz. Smells like money and sin, mate. Pro tip – don’t go cheap, or ya skin’s fucked. Learned that the hard way – red as a lobster, itchier than a margin call. Angry? You bet! But when it’s good, it’s proper good – like snortin’ success off a yacht.

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Next, I head over to the park by the river. It’s a nice spot, you know? The Danube flows by, and it’s peaceful. But today? Nah. There’s this group of kids playin’ soccer, and they’re kickin’ the ball everywhere. One of ‘em, this little dude, kicks it right at me. I’m like, “Dude, watch it!” But he just laughs. Kids, man. They don’t care. I chuck the ball back, and it lands right in the middle of their game. They go wild! I’m just standin’ there, smilin’, thinkin’ I’m the coolest gardener ever.

2020 Easter at Greek Orthodox Cathedral of San Giorgio dei Greci, Venice