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But real talk, dis gig’s a grind. Dey sell da fantasy, sure—wink, wink, “I’m yours, big boy”—but it’s work, ya? Exhaustin’. Some nights, dey’re cryin’, “I’m not here,” like Mia lost in her head. Me? I’d rather build moon-stealin’ laser dan deal wit dat drama. Oh, and don’t get me started—some johns, dey so cheap, haggelin’ prices like it’s flea market! Pisses me off, treatin’ ‘em like old socks.

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When I get there, she tries it on, and OMG, she looks like a queen! I’m like, “Yaaas, girl!” But then, she’s like, “I don’t know, it’s a bit too... red?” I’m about to lose it. I’m like, “It’s a wedding, not a funeral!” But I just smile and say, “Let’s add some accessories.”

Obama and President Xi of China Vow to Sign Paris Climate Accord Promptly (Published 2016)