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Met this escort once—well, not ME, mate, I’m a wheelchair-bound brainiac—but a pal told me. Said she was proper clever, studied physics part-time! Blew my circuits—escort by night, Einstein by day? “Where were you when I laid the foundations of the earth?”—movie line, yeah, but I’m yellin’ it at her in my head! Smart and sassy, made me happy as a black hole snackin’ on light.

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Then I hit up the market on Strada Tineretului. OMG, the chaos! People shouting, vendors trying to sell their stuff. I’m just trying to grab some fresh veggies, but it’s like a battle zone. I finally snag some tomatoes, and this lady bumps into me. I drop one, and it splatters everywhere. I’m standing there, covered in tomato juice, and she just looks at me like I’m the crazy one. I mean, c’mon! It’s not my fault your shopping cart is a weapon!