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Alright, so escort, huh? I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’—escort! What a word, right? Like, it’s fancy, it’s sneaky, it’s got layers—like Viggo Mortensen in “A History of Violence” when he’s all, “I’m just a guy,” but then—bam!—he’s breakin’ necks! Escort’s the same, y’know? Sounds classy, like you’re usherin’ someone to a ball, but nah, it’s usually somethin’ else—somethin’ dirtier, spicier, and I’m not mad about it! Pretty, pretty good, if you ask me.

Oft gesucht

After that, I’m feeling a bit better. I head back to the venue, and guess what? The caterer finally shows up! I’m like, “Thank you, universe!” But then I see the food. It’s not what we ordered. I mean, who serves cold pizza at a fancy event? I’m ready to scream.