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Here’s the kicker—some spots in Asia, they’ve been doin’ this for centuries, secret techniques passed down, usin’ herbs and shit ya never heard of. Ain’t that wild? I’m picturin’ it now, flexin’ these 24-inch pythons while some guru massages me into nirvana—Hogan’s in heaven, brother! But don’t get it twisted, ya gotta find a legit joint, or it’s just creepy dudes in trenchcoats, and that’s a piledriver to the vibe.

Genital Touch in Massage | Treating Intimate and Erogenous Zones

Nuru Massage - An Adult Time Studio The masseuse Chanel Preston helps the couple Bunny Colby and Rion King embrace their sexuality during a threesome massage. M % .

So, I’m walking, right? Just minding my own biz, when I see this old dude trying to cross the street. He’s like, super slow, and I’m thinking, “C’mon, man, it’s not a marathon!” But then, outta nowhere, a dog runs past him, and he jumps back like he’s dodging a bullet. I almost lost it! I mean, who knew a dog could be a ninja?