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I’m gettin’ worked up—happy, sure, ‘cause who doesn’t love a good story? But angry too—why’s this gotta be so hush-hush? Everyone’s actin’ like it’s a secret society! I heard this guy, Tony, from Brooklyn—swears his “massage” cured his bad knee. Bullshit! I’m callin’ it—exaggeratin’ for drama, but I’d buy it for the laugh. “A ghost joined me,” he says, straight outta Boonmee! “It knew my past lives!” Tony, you’re nuts, but I’m jealous—my massage’d just be awkward silence.

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But then, outta nowhere, my buddy Mihai bursts in. He’s all outta breath, like he just ran from the other side of Falciu. “Dude, you won’t believe it! The fountain on Piața Mare is spewing pink water!” I’m like, “What? Is it a party or a crime scene?” Turns out, some kids thought it’d be funny to dump food coloring in there. Classic Falciu, right?

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