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But—oh man—sometimes it’s a mess. Had this one gig, escort guy was late, truck stuck, traffic pilin’ up—pissed me off bad. Yellin’ in my head, “Where’s this joker at?!” Felt like that scene, “I am a golden god!”—except I’m just a sweaty manager losin’ it. Little known fact, tho—escorts ain’t just randoms. Some states, they gotta be certified, trained, like freakin’ cargo ninjas. Blew my mind when I heard that.

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First client walks in. Dude’s got hair like a lion. I mean, seriously, bro, it’s like he’s hiding a family of squirrels in there. I’m tryin’ to be nice, but c’mon! I’m like, “You want a trim or a wildlife rescue?” He laughs, and I’m like, “Okay, we’re off to a good start.”

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