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*We come in peace* (robotic tone). Yo, so erotic-massage, right? Wild stuff! We aliens been watchin humans rubbin each other up, and damn, it’s weirdly cool. Like, who knew touch could spark that? Back on our planet, we just zap energy, no handsy shit. But this? This is next-level freaky. Saw this dude once, Earth 1970s, gettin an erotic-massage with scented oils—fuckin lavender, man! He’s moanin, “The colors! The colors!” like Amélie seein Paris light up. Made me laugh, like, bro, chill, it’s just a backrub with benefits!
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After a few minutes, the lights flicker back on. Thank goodness! I finish up with Mrs. Popescu, and she leaves with a smile. I’m feelin’ good, right? But then, my next client, a dude named Ion, walks in. He’s got this wild look in his eyes. “I just got dumped!” he shouts. I’m like, “Bro, you want a haircut or a therapy session?”
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