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Oh honey, lemme tell ya—breathless, “Happy Birthday, Mr. President”—this erotic-massage thing’s wild! I’m a carpenter, right, so I’m all bout them hands, craftin wood, smoothin edges, but this? This is next level, darlin! Picture me, sawdust in my hair, stumblin into some dimly lit joint—thinkin it’s all chill vibes like *Inherent Vice*, ya know, that hazy, sexy mess of a movie I adore. “The past is never dead,” Doc’d say, and damn if that ain’t true here—erotic-massage got roots, baby, way back to ancient China, them Taoist cats kneadin qi into folks, gettin frisky with energy! Who knew, right? Blew my mind—made me happy as hell, like findin a perfect plank of oak.

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Suddenly, I hear barking. My heart races. “Is that your dog?” I ask, pointing. The dude’s eyes widen. “Uh, no. I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Classic.

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