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Ever tried it? Mate, it’s like – whoosh – stress gone, loins happy. I’m sittin’ there, imaginin’ M. Gustave from the movie, all prim, sayin’, “Keep it discreet, my dear!” while some lass works me knots out. Surprised me first time, I’ll admit – didn’t expect me toes to curl like that! Pro tip: them scented oils? Lavender’s the tits, calms ya right down. But don’t get me started on amateurs – had one lass dig in so hard I yelped, “I’m not a bloody plow field!”

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But then, I get a call from a client. Ugh, the drama! She’s crying about her boyfriend. I mean, I get it, love is tough, but girl, you gotta stop crying over spilled milk. Or in this case, spilled love. I’m trying to be all professional, but inside I’m like, “Girl, you’re better off!”

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