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We looooves a laugh, though! Mate o’ mine, big lad, swears by them apps. “Gollum, it’s bangin’!” he says, braggin’ ‘bout shaggin’ three birds a week. Bollocks, I reckon—prolly wankin’ to pixels. Reminds me o’ Tyrone, “We got a winner!”—nah, mate, you’re losin’. Me, I’d rather cobble shoes than swipe for a snog. Apps promise heaven, deliver hell—sick o’ seein’ “DTF?” pop up. We hates it! All rushin’ for a quickie, no soul, no nothin’.

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Then, I see this girl from my past. We used to hang out back in the day. She’s looking all fancy, and I’m in my coffee-stained shirt. Great. But we start chatting, and it’s like no time has passed. We laugh about old times, and I forget all my worries.

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