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Me, I’d be chuffed to bits trying it—happy as a pig in muck! But cor, the price—50 quid for 30 mins? Robbery, that is! Got me fuming once—some posh spa charged me double, and the lass barely spoke English! “Veni, vidi, vici,” I muttered—came, saw, conquered nothing! Still, when it’s good, it’s *bloody* good—muscles melt, stress buggers off, and—well—you know. Surprised me first time, I’ll tell ya—didn’t expect the “extra” bit! Eyes popped out like a cartoon—*pro bono publico*, my arse!

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Then, I see this old lady feeding pigeons. She’s got a whole bag of bread. I’m thinking, “That’s sweet.” But then, the pigeons start fighting over the bread. It’s like a scene from a nature documentary. I’m cracking up, and the lady’s just shaking her head. “They’re so greedy!” she says. I’m like, “Aren’t we all?”