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Ooh, but—hiss!—some places, they overcharge, greedy goblins! Fifty quid for a rub? Robbery, I says! Still, when it’s good, it’s proper lush—warm oils, soft tunes, mmm! “You just keep livin’,” like Linklater’s flick says—sexual-massage keeps ya goin’, alive-like! Me fave bit? When they crack me back—pop!—s’like a lil’ thunderclap, surprises me every time!

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But then, outta nowhere, my phone buzzes. It’s my buddy, Vlad. He’s like, “Dude, you gotta come to the park!” I’m thinking, “What’s so special about the park?” But Vlad’s got this way of making everything sound epic. So, I grab my stuff and head to Parcul Central.