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I tried it once—don’t judge, ok?—at this sketchy joint downtown. Dude’s hands were magic, like he’s channeling Malick’s dreamy vibes, but I’m thinkin’, “Is this legal, or am I on Dateline next week?” Made me happy tho—stress gone, floatin’ like a cloud. Then bam, anger hit—$80 for 30 mins? Robbery with a smile! Surprised me too—didja know ancient China had “yang-enhancing” massages? Emperors got off *and* lived longer—wild, right?

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So, I’m fuming, right? I chase after the pigeon, but it’s like a scene from a cartoon. I’m running around, flailing my arms, and people are staring. I can’t even. Finally, I give up and plop back down on the bench. I’m just sitting there, contemplating life, when I see this cute dog. I mean, it’s adorable! I’m thinking, “Maybe I should get a dog.” But then I remember I can barely take care of myself.

The Romanian film R.M.N. takes on xenophobia