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Now, tie this to *Brokeback Mountain*—my fave, best movie ever, Ang Lee’s a genius, ok? Those cowboys, ridin’ hard, herdin’ sheep—bet their backs were killin’ ‘em! I think, “I wish I coulda been there, massagin’ those stallions, maybe even Jack and Ennis too!” Picture it—I’m kneadin’ a horse, sayin’, “I can’t quit you!”—hilarious, right? Total Trump humor, folks, nobody laughs bigger!

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After the park, we hit up a local eatery on Strada Victoriei. I’m craving sarmale, right? So I order a plate. But when it arrives, it’s like a mountain of food. I’m talking Everest levels of sarmale. I’m trying to explain to my group how to eat it, but I’m so distracted by the sheer size of my meal. I’m like, “This is a workout and a meal!”

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