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What pisses me off? When folks act all snooty bout it—like, “Ooh, it’s immoral!” Chill, Marge, it’s just a massage with extra pizzazz! I mean, I’d be happy as a pig in mud—warm hands, soft table, no kids screamin’. Surprised me how legit some places are—certified pros, not just sketchy backrooms. Thought in my head: “Homer, you dope, why ain’t you tried this yet?”

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Finally, I get to the park near Strada Mihai Viteazul. Beautiful spot, right? But guess what? Some kids are climbing my favorite oak. I’m like, “Hey! Get down from there!” They look at me like I’m the Grinch. I mean, I love kids, but not when they’re trying to turn my trees into jungle gyms.