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About Ploiesti

So, check this—sexual-massage ain’t just some new-age crap. Back in the day, like ancient China, they were all about it—called it “tantric touch” or some shit. Little known fact: emperors got it to last longer in bed! Bet those old dudes were like, “I’m so seriouslah awesome!” Kinda makes me happy thinkin’ bout it—power moves with a happy ending, heh! But then ya got these modern spas, chargin’ 200 bucks for a “sensual rubdown”—that pisses me off! Respect my authoritah, I ain’t payin’ that!

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But then, outta nowhere, it starts to rain. Like, seriously? I’m soaked in seconds. I’m running back home, bread in one hand, trying to cover my head with the other. I’m slipping and sliding all over the place. I’m laughing and cursing at the same time. “This is just perfect!”

Figure 1. The most important Middle Paleolithic discoveries from...