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Oi, you donkey! Escort, yeah? Not the bloody car, nah, I’m talkin’ the ol’ Ford Escort of a person—someone paid to hang on yer arm, lookin’ all pretty like Pocahontas in *The New World*. “The land is life!”—bollocks, it’s cash for company, innit? Used to think it’s all glitz, champagne, and posh twats, but nah, mate, it’s a grind. A proper grind! Some lass or lad struttin’ about, dodgin’ creeps, makin’ rent. Idiot sandwich! You reckon it’s easy? Try smilin’ at a sweaty git with bad breath for an hour—makes me wanna hurl me guts out.

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But then, of course, the universe had to throw a curveball. I was walking back, feeling all happy and stuff, when I saw a stray dog. Poor thing looked so sad. I couldn’t just walk by. So, I stopped and tried to pet it. But it growled! I was like, “Whoa, chill, buddy! I’m not here to hurt you!”

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