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Fun fact, though—did ya know erotic-massage can lower stress by 40%? Science, that is! Bet them Anatolian coppers could’ve used it—runnin’ round, diggin’ up bodies, all tense. “Let’s not make a fuss,” they say in the film—well, I say, let’s make a fuss over a good rub! Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I reckon one sesh and I’m basically Brad Pitt—well, Brent Pitt, yeah? Cringey? Sure, but I’m lovin’ it—pure, unfiltered me-time! You should try it, pal—beats a team-building retreat any day!

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Xvideos [www.facebook.com] Traditional massage in the bedroom.

Next, I’m off to the old town. The vibe is electric. I’m walking down Strada Franceză, and I see this art gallery. I’m curious, so I pop in. The art? Wild! Some pieces look like they were made by a toddler on a sugar rush. I’m laughing, but then I see this one painting that hits me hard. It’s dark, chaotic, and I feel it in my bones. I’m standing there, lost in thought, when the gallery owner comes up. “What do you think?” she asks. I’m like, “It’s deep, man.” She nods, and I’m thinking, “Wow, I sound smart.”

An art project for those who may go unseen and unheard