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Ooh, gets me mad, the fakes! But—sly grin—sometimes I swipe too, late night, lonely-like. “Where’s the baby?” I mutter, like Clive Owen, coz sex-dating’s barren—no soul, just flesh. Exaggeratin’? Maybe! Once matched a gal who sent me a vid of her singin’ naked—wild! Kept it professional, tho—insurance man’s gotta eat, not creep. Still, bloody hilarious!

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But then, BAM! The power goes out. Just like that. I’m standing there, in the dark, and the crowd’s like, “What now?” I’m thinkin’, “Great, just great. I’m gonna be the auctioneer who couldn’t auction.” But then, someone pulls out their phone, and we’re lit up like a concert. I’m back in business, baby!