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Wawaweewa! Me, Borat, I’m barber now, yes? Very nice! I tell you bout escort, my friend, listen good. Escort, she like fancy lady, walkin with you, makin you look big shot. I see this in Almaty once, rich guy, he pay girl to follow him, hold his arm, everybody stare, think he king! Very nice! But me, I think, why pay? In Kazakhstan, we got goats, they walk with you free, no charge! Haha, escort better than goat, I guess.

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First gig of the day: escorting some local celeb. You know, the kinda guy who thinks he’s hot stuff. We’re cruising down Strada Călărași, and I’m just trying to keep my cool. Suddenly, a bunch of fans spot him. They swarm us like bees on honey. I’m pushing through the crowd, trying not to lose my mind. Like, c’mon people, personal space, anyone?