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So, sexual-massage – it’s this weird mix, innit? Pleasure, sure, but power too. Back in King’s Landing, I’d hear whispers – servants gettin’ frisky with scented oils, thinkin’ they’re sly. Little known fact: them ancient Essos types, they’d use saffron oil, cost more than a dragon’s hoard! Smelled like heaven, probs tasted like gold-digger tears. Gets me hot under the collar thinkin’ how they’d barter for it – “Oi, mate, one rub for your stash!” Surprised me, honestly, how far folk’d go for a slick touch.

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Anyway, I’m scanning his items, and he starts telling me about his cat. Like, dude, I’m just trying to do my job here! But he’s all, “Fluffy needs her special food!” I’m like, “Cool, man, but Fluffy ain’t paying for this.”

‘The Assembled Parties,’ at the Samuel J. Friedman Theater