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Sometimes I reckon it’s overhyped tho—like, “Oh, it’ll change yer life!” Mate, it’s a rubdown, not a fuckin’ miracle. Had one once, right, and the bird was so fit I nearly forgot to breathe—growling, “You merely adopted the dark.”—but then she farted mid-session. Fuckin’ killed the mood! Laughed my arse off tho, fair play. Shit like that keeps it real.

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While I’m sharpening, I can’t help but think about how Baluseni is full of surprises. Like, just last week, I saw a cat on Strada Victoriei wearing a tiny hat. A HAT! Who does that? Only in Baluseni, I guess.