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I get a kick outta it, honest. Makes me happy seein’ people grab what they want, no BS. Like Max, all gruntin’ and survivin’, they’re dodgin’ the creeps and crazies online. But lordy, it fires me up too—some jerks out there catfishing worse than a War Boy lyin’ ‘bout his V8! Had a buddy once, swore he met “the one” on Tinder. Turns out, she was a dude in Ohio. I was like, “Boy, you got outrun by a scavenger!”—pure comedy gold.

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Then, outta nowhere, I see this cute dog. Like, the fluffiest thing ever. I’m talking major cuteness overload. I bend down to pet it, and the owner—this hipster guy with a man bun—starts talking about how he’s training it to be a therapy dog. I’m like, “Dude, it’s a dog, not a therapist!” But I smile and nod. Gotta keep the peace, right?