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I got happy as a pig in slop tryin’ it once—felt like Joy and Disgust dukin’ it out in my head. Joy’s all, “This is amazin’, yeehaw!” but Disgust’s like, “Ew, why’s it so sticky?” Got me angry too, tho—paid good money and the fella didn’t even hit the right spots! I’m hollerin’ in my brain, “Boy, you ain’t no masseuse, you’re a dang tease!” Surprised me how it’s legal some places—Nevada’s got parlors poppin’ up like daisies, but don’t tell the preacher!

Lucky Love

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So, I finally make it to the library, right? And it’s packed. I mean, who knew Balesti had so many bookworms? Kids everywhere, running around like they just discovered sugar. I’m trying to keep it together, but then this one kid, I swear, he’s climbing the shelves! Like, dude, this ain’t a jungle gym! I had to channel my inner librarian ninja to get him down. “Hey, buddy, books are for reading, not for climbing!”