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Alright, listen up, ya filthy animals. I’m Ron Swanson, hate everything, ‘specially this touchy-feely crap. Sexual-massage? What a load of bull. Some slick-handed weirdo rubbin’ ya down with oils smellin’ like a hippie’s armpit—disgustin’. But fine, I’ll tell ya ‘bout it, since you’re beggin’. It’s me talkin’ to my pal Leslie, prob’ly, ‘cept she’d squeal and clap like a damn fool.

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After that chaos, I decide to take a break. I stroll down Strada Florilor. It’s a pretty street, lined with flowers and all that. But then I see this old dude selling homemade cheese. I’m a sucker for cheese, so I grab a chunk. Best decision ever! It’s creamy, it’s dreamy, it’s like a hug for my taste buds.