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Oh, and—hah!—the lingo cracks me up. “Happy ending?” Puh-lease, so cheesy! I’d rather say, “Groovy finish, baby!” Like, keep it funky, y’know? Breathless, “Happy Birthday, Mr. President,” I’m over here dreamin’—maybe Doc from the flick woulda loved this. He’d be all, “Far out, man, far out!” Prob’ly light a joint mid-massage—classic!

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But then, outta nowhere, it starts pouring. I mean, like, monsoon level. I’m soaked, cheese in hand, running for cover. I duck into this little café on Strada Tineretului. It’s cozy, smells like fresh bread. I order a hot chocolate, and the barista, this cool chick named Maria, gives me a wink. I’m like, “Alright, maybe today ain’t so bad.”